some third possibility

There was also some confusion in my mind, in the months afterwards. It was not that I thought she was still alive. But at the same time I couldn’t believe that she was actually gone. Suddenly the choice wasn’t so simplpe: either alive or not alive. It was as though not being alive did not have to mean she was dead, as though there were some third possibility.

[Lydia Davis, The seals, da Can’t and won’t]